


Ignorance

by actionfan



Category: Original Work, freeverse poetry - Fandom
Genre: Child's POV, Gen, Loneliness, Siblings, but it doesn't point in a happy way, open-ended, parent child relationships, parent's illness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-26
Updated: 2013-08-26
Packaged: 2017-12-24 18:16:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/943113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/actionfan/pseuds/actionfan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The doctors come and go. But no-one will say exactly what it means. A child's perspective on illness, loneliness, and fear.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ignorance

Ignorance

I grab my toys from my shelf

and play all by myself.

My little brother tries to get them;

I grab them back before they get icky

‘cause his fingers are still all sticky!

 

I look around,

Grown-ups,

all dressed up,

move in and out,

(but no one’ll tell me

what this is about).

None of _them_ will help—

that’s for sure.

 

I’m back to my game

(Pow, pow, fwoosh

it’s Superman and Flash,

they’re both _super fast_ )!

 

These people

who all rush to our door—

I’ve seen them before.

The faces all look the same.

It’s been so long, but

I never asked for a name,

just ignored it ‘cause

I hear whispers, but

nothing makes sense.

‘Sides if I pretend they’re not here

maybe they’ll finally disappear.

 

I cross my fingers-

for extra luck,

but I’m still stuck.

They bring nothing but

noises I can’t make clear;

even when I listen hard,

it’s just voices

that sound so sad.

 

I remember Mommy before,

saying she didn’t feel so good;

is that why all these people are here now?

I don’t like them (so ugly and grey)

 

and I _won’t_ ‘let them be’!

I creep up to Mommy,

I tug on her sleeve,

Mommy, Mommy can you tell them to leave?

To all go away?

It’s their voices,

they always make me wanna cry.

 

White coats and treats

from one guy

who patted my head.

I know what this means:

they’re doctors.

What’s this to do with me

and my family?

Mommy’s sick I know

that’s why we never

see her out of bed—

like when I had the flu.

 

 

I play by myself, and do all my chores,

trying to find someone else when I’m bored.

But Dad’s “too busy”

and no longer spins me till I get dizzy.

And my little brother still gets petted

All the coos come for him but not _me_.

Like _he’s_ the only one they see.

But I watch as his cheeks

get pulled and pinched,

glad I’m finally out of this.

 

Sometimes family comes, just for the day,

to take me somewhere far, far away.

Even when they smile I don’t feel any better.

Something’s always wrong with their eyes

or does a bully make them cry?

And their faces look so wrong

their noses sniffly and red

like me when I’m around weeds and trees.

Mommy said I have allergies…

do they too?

 

And Mom’s still there, in that lair.

Maybe it’s cool— like Batman

and that’s why she never comes to see me?

But what if it’s not that she doesn’t want to?

‘Cause I don’t think she _can_.

So I brave the room.

Please just look, look at _me_ , see!

Finally about to meet whatever

is in there waiting for me.

Is it a monster or something worse?

Is Mommy under a curse?

My Mommy she looks really bad,

And her eyes are so old and sad

like our dog used to look

when she was really, really sick.

 

I want to cheer her up

and make her feel better;

I ask what’s wrong

and she doesn’t answer.

 

Her hair - it’s a nest; she doesn’t smile,

but tells me to go away and play for a while.

I try to hug her to make it all go away,

but no one listens to what I have to say.

 

I hear words of sickness

(I’ve heard them before),

but this time I hear just a little more.

The words, they’re so big I don’t know them,

but this one I know, it’s “death”.

She’s… _dying_

(I’m still not sure what ‘xactly that means

but it’s sad and really, really bad

and then mommy won’t come back:

no more kissing skinned knees,

no more hugs, no more midnight snacks),

but… no one wants to tell me.

To them I’m just a … a _baby_ right under their feet

I’ve been crying and whining this whole ‘tire time,

but it’s _my_ Mommy who’s sick but can’t ever die.

I won’t let her (I swear it).

But I’ll be strong, that’s part of my job,

‘cause I’m a big brother.

My baby brother needs me--

he can’t do _anything_ when _I’m_ not there.

So I won’t cry, (even if it really is the hardest thing _ever_ )

 “Cause Momma won’t die,” I tell him right then.

 

“Momma’s too tough and strong

and always there to fix whatever’s wrong.

Nu-uh, no way, she’s not gonna go,

she’ll get better and then take us somewhere.

She’ll pester us with kisses all over our hair,

and hug us so tight we’ll beg for air.”

He just sits there chewing, content,

While I talk to him,

Pretending he’ll listen.

**Author's Note:**

> Loosely based on a life event. My mom's still alive btw but that was... not a fun time.


End file.
